The Right Coast

February 27, 2006
Yale's admission of former Taliban minister as special student leaves questions unanswered
By Tom Smith

(RCN New Haven Feb. 27) Yale University's admission of Rahmatullah "Buddha Kablooey" Hashemi, former ambassador-at-large for the Taliban, leaves Yale alumni and parents with many unanswered questions.

Hashmeni, who was a high official for the notorious Taliban at the tender edge of 22, quipped "I vas only following ze orders! Sorry, just kidding. Really, I was as surprized as anyone to get in. I worried that having been so intimately associated with the people who hosted the world's most wanted "terrorist," and which is still fighting and killing US soldiers, might be held against me."

In fact, Yale University went to great lengths to recruit the animated anti-American. "I feel honored, really," said Hashmeni. "I mean, the Yale Law School does not even want to let recruiters from your military so-called JAG corp on campus. Yet I, from the regime implicated in killing 3000 Americans can continue my education here. As you Americans say, who woulda thunk it?"

Chip McSweenysondale, of Litchfield, Connecticut (Yale '75) wonders "Does this mean my kids would have a better chance of getting into Yale if they had some connection with a regime that supports terrorism? I mean, maybe we could send them to a summer program or something." Chip, Jr., who will graduate from the Phillips Andover Academy next year, and hopes to attend his father's alma mater, is not so sure. "I mean, I want to go to Yale, totally," he remarks, "but I mean, like, I don't support terrorism or anything. I mean, these are the people who helped blow up the twin towers, right? I had my 12th birthday party at Windows on the World. I liked those buildings."

Ho Pin Dat, 212th Reincarnation of the Enlightened One, and former abbot of the Monastery of the Compassionate Buddha in the remote Northeast of Afghanistan remarked "They drove us from our cells. Many of the old monks died. They blew up the statues of the Buddha that stood a thousand years before anybody had heard of Yale. And yet now they invite this person to study there. Is he not a criminal? I do not understand this."

The Yale public relations office has denied that 2007 applications will include a question about whether the applicant has any associations with terrorist states or organizations that would make one an especially attractive candidate. "This is not affirmative action for terrorists," stated Harvey Feldstein, director of public relations. "We just like people from diverse backgrounds."

"I applied to Yale, but I couldn't get in," remarked Joe Roberts. Instead, Roberts went to Cornell, where he participated in the ROTC program and graduated in 2002, with a commission in the US Army. Roberts served in the 82nd Airborne in Afghanistan, was seriously wounded, and now spends most days working on his walking. "I will get it back," he says. "Don't worry about me."