The Right Coast

November 15, 2005
By Tom Smith

I love this catalog. It comes from the land where money is so plentiful and so new. Want a monogrammed indoor waterfall? This is the place for you. Or a little sofa for your dog? And why not? He's such a good boy, aren't you Sebastian, schmoochy schmoochy schmoo. Or one of those chair bed cushiony things that will actually massage you while you read. With a chair like this, who need to read?

And then, every catalog has its own featured home! This month, Tuscany meets Las Vegas in Huntington Beach. What can you say? What is there left to say? This is not house pride. This is house euphoria. House nirvana. House apotheosis. That the owner (scroll down) bears a passing resemblance to the Prince of Darkness is merely coincidental. If Mrs. Owner were any happier, she'd explode. Who cares if they're real?

Now we know what to aspire to. I yearn for my own vacuum powered, 8 foot, extendable spider disposal wand. My pool pillow. My giant, inflatable, outdoor theatre system. My burlwood jewelry armoire.

In the distance, faintly, you can hear the cars rushing on the freeway.