The Right Coast

August 22, 2005
East County update
By Tom Smith

I have heard that some people at least enjoy these occassional stories from the fringes of civilization, using that term broadly to apply to Southern California. So, I will go on.

Anyway, this from our estimable nanny, who is from an old Lakeside family. This last Saturday night, she, her husband and her son were enjoying a quiet evening at home when they heard the sound of a car crash. They reasoned it was an accident on the dangerous highway bend near their home, the site of several accidents, including one with very serious injuries, since somebody stole the solar panels which power the yellow warning light. Her husband jumped in their pickup and drove toward the probable crash scene, about a mile up the dirt road leading from the highway to their ranch property. Waiting back at the house, our nanny heard gunshots, and decided to send her son in their other pickup to see if her husband was alright, and to warn him that she had heard shots. She had already called 911, for all the good that that does. Her son jumped in their other pickup, turned on the highbeams, and began to turn around. His headlights swept across their land, and suddenly illuminated an extemely fat woman, posed in what one might suppose was supposed to be an alluring position, on the hood of her car, being photographed by her boyfriend/husband/spritual counsellor/artistic director/whatever. The son stopped the pickup, and ran back into the house, his eyes covered and shouting "I'm ruined for life!" In the meantime, her husband had reached the accident scene. A woman had driven off the road, left her car, and was now staggering down the road attempting to call someone on her cell phone. Or perhaps she was just continuing the same call she was making when she drove off the road. She appeared to be drunk, on drugs, or both. As the husband attempted to assist the accident "victim," two cars drove by full of young people with guns. Apparently, they were just shooting for fun. Nothing to do with accident or the fat lady. The fat lady and her assistant had driven off quickly upon being illuminated. This may somehow be related to the popular superstition that trouble comes in threes. Just remember, if you lived in La Jolla, something else would annoy ya.