The Right Coast

March 02, 2005
By Tom Smith

As the Ten Commandments may not be posted on government property, or may soon not be, because of the First Amendment, as interpreted by the one, the only Highest Court, I humbly suggest the following as a substitute more in tune with our contemporary society and mores. I give you . . .


I. Judge not, lest you make a judgment.
II. Honor whatever.
III. Be nice, if you feel like it.
IV. Do not steal, unless you are a victim, and you probably are, then it's OK, or whatever.
V. Same for killing people.
VI. It's OK for you to have sex with your yoga instructor; your wife will understand, especially if you don't tell her.
VII. Tell the truth, whatever you conceive it to be, bearing in mind there is no such thing as the "truth."
VII. Don't be uptight about numbers and stuff. Math is bad for your self-esteem.
VIII. That's not funny!
IX. Everybody is more special than everybody else.
X. The Supreme Court knows best. Now shut up.