The Right Coast

October 03, 2004
More bad news from the cheery professor
By Tom Smith

I apologize to my loyal fans, but this gloomy view from Belmont Club strikes me as correct. Just because Kerry would be an utter disaster does not mean Bush is doing a good job.

Unlike many people with opinions in the academy, I do not hold myself out as an expert in Middle East politics. For one thing, I have a hard time keeping straight all the religious nutcases who want to kill us . But I will say that our military strategy in Iraq has neo-conservative pointy-headedness written all over it. I am very skeptical we are gaining anything of value by tip toeing up on the Islamofascists in Fullajah for instance. Now, apparently, Iran could be as little as four months away from actually having nuclear weapons. I would guess it is more than that, but pretty damn soon seems to be a fair bet.

Just for future reference, it is the responsibility of our brave leaders not to allow bizarro theo-thugocracies to get within a hundred days or so from having weapons they would have reason (using that term liberally) to give to co-religionist psychopaths who dream at night about turning our families into radioactive ash. It's part of that whole national security thing. That the radioactive mullahs have been allowed to get as far as they have in Iran is a terrible failure for the Bush administration. It is obscured by the fact that Kerry is still dithering about what the "intentions" of the Iranians are. I guess since there aren't Communists around any more about whose intentions he may dither, he thinks it's time to dither about the intentions of our new, and in their own way, even more revolting enemies. (I suppose who you think is more revolting depends on whether 19th century pseudo-science or medieval Oriental black fantasy is more the stuff of your nightmares. Both work for me.) Perhaps since the Iranians so promptly rejected Kerry and Silky Pony's really very thoughtful offer of fuel rods that could not be used for bombs, they will think again about whether Iran really does want every suicide bomber's fondest dream. But what am I saying. Of course they won't. It's not about reality. It's about making Kerry's dreams come true, so everybody will know he really is as important as he almost believes he is.

I don't blame Bush for getting mad. There he was, having to treat as serious a guy who is a walking advertizement for false consciousness. Kerry is a man who values his comforts, and who doesn't. I've never had a manicure, but windsurfing sounds fun. For what appears to be mainly reasons of insatiable ego, rooted perhaps in his odd poor-little-rich-boy childhood, he thinks he wants of the job of steering America through what are shaping up as very dark and dangerous times.

In a matter of months, there is every chance we will be at war with Iran, if only because the Israelis are not likely to sit back and let Iran get nukes, even if a President Kerry would dither until it is too late to stop them. There's something about suicide bombers that wakes you from your dogmatic slumbers. The Jew, as our Arab friends would say, understands that the Iranian mullahs (pronounced "mooooolahs") are as vicious a bunch as you could wish, hanging on to power by their none-too-clean fingernails, and that war is a favorite expedient by which fascists hang on to power. (Where have I heard this stuff about wiping out the Jews with weapons of the future before? Some people see gee whiz technology and think, oh boy! more leisure time! Others think, oh boy! what a great way to kill Jews! But I digress.) The mullahs may be evil, but they're not stupid. Asking whether the mullahs are after nukes is like asking whether Kerry got married for the money. For people who volunteered for the job of protecting this country, there is such a thing as a stupid question.

What Kerry doesn't realize is this is job for Teddy Roosevelt, and he is no TR. Bush is no TR either. He's not even a JR. He's just the best we've got. We just have to hope that's enough, and if it is, it won't be by much.