The Right Coast

September 07, 2004
How to be a loathsome New Yorker
By Tom Smith

Even funnier, James, is when kids drown in the tidal surge. What a hoot! And then there are those ghastly trailer homes that get blown away. Heee! Heee! They're so tacky, they deserve it. People losing everything, especially cherished, irreplaceable items like photo albums, is good for a chuckle or two. You go, Mother Nature! For just general, overall amusement, there are the marriages that break up because of stress, the kids whose lives never get all the way back to normal, and the jobs that get lost because of economic losses. There's nothing like massive human suffering for a good belly laugh.

James, your penance is to go to Florida and help some people, whose feet you are not worthy to lick, clean up what remains of their lives, and then spend a week thinking of 100 ways to be less disgusting. And keep your next shameful admission to yourself. Remember that when people say they have a shameful admission, they are usually just kidding.