The Right Coast

July 14, 2004
More on John and Lady Heinz
By Tom Smith

Michele Malkin is too much of a lady to say the sort of things I say, and that's good. But my take is that John Kerry is sort of Lady Kerry's walker, her Senator-toy, and so it's not really fair to compare them to a normal married couple.

All my friends are normal. I don't think I know anybody with pre-nup, for example. I know, that's embarrassing, but that's the little world I live in. Someday I hope to be rich enough to know some prenuptualized people, but that's in the future.

It's hard to have a normal marriage when you are a politically powerful but not very rich Senator, and you're married to a billionairess with her own Gulfstream and a pre-nup. For all we know, there is a clause in that pre-nup that allows her to treat him like her exasperating teenage step-son, and he just has to take it. Cut John-John a little slack. He's cute, in an overbred dog sort of way, keeps himself in shape, obviously tries hard to be manly, and is no doubt very attentive to his unbelievably wealthy, if snooty and condescending spouse. It is a rare wife, let me tell you, whom you could drop a billion dollars on and still find her adoring her husband. Her second husband at that. How would you like to compete with a dead man who left his wife a great fortune? To many women, that is the pinnacle of the perfect spouse. As a husband, I will just note, adoration is in short supply. I was thinking of asking my lovely wife Jeanne the other evening if she adored me, but she was reading. I have learned you really don't want to interrupt your wife when she is reading to ask if she adores you. It comes over as sort of needy, in a negative sense. I do sometimes ask my yellow lab Biscuit if she adores me, but it is just a rhetorical question, as it is clear she does. If she had a billion dollars, though, who knows?