The Right Coast

June 10, 2004
Tom the Mom's baby care tips
By Tom Smith

Our excellent nanny is off to see her daughter graduate from college through Monday, and I am in charge of the excellent Mark, so I thought now would be a good time to pass on some of my hard earned wisdom. Here are some good baby tips to remember.

1. Remember, little ears are sensitive! If you are using power tools and taking care of baby at the same time, they need ear protection even more than you do. Also, remember flying debris can hurt baby's eyes.

2. Big dogs and babies are fun together, but make sure your big dog is friendly.

3. If you leave soiled daipers lying about, your baby will find them and eat them.

4. If it is smaller than a tennis ball, your baby will try to choke himself on it.

5. No matter how small the spot, if it has poop on it, it goes in the laundry.

6. Do not hold your baby off a balcony.

7. Babies and pots of boiling water do not mix. Put the baby in a secure place before cooking.

8. If anybody threatens your baby, kill them.

9. Babies are chick magnets. You can go to Starbucks, but remember you are married, and that just because your wife thinks you are cute bald, does not mean you are.

10. Got to go.