The Right Coast

June 12, 2004
A plea for kilts
By Tom Smith

It came to me while changing a diaper, trying to figure out the little snaps on the baby overalls. This is stupid. Why shouldn't boy babies wear kilts? Why not grown men?

You trendsetting fashion mavens out there, start, and I'll follow. Brad Pitt, put on a kilt, and set your people free!

Face facts: there is no solution to the tragedy of men's underwear. Boxers bunch. Jockeys are too tight. As in quantum mechanics, there is no solution, except . . . the kilt.

These guys don't look like sissies to me. Some of them look like low-lifes. But not sissies. (I use 'sissy' only in the politically correct sense).

They're called 'non-bifrucated garmets.'

I vaguely recall a women's liberation movement a few years back. Now it's men's turn. At least until recently, women didn't want to wear high heels because they are uncomfortable or something. Well, so are pants. Women don't want to look at hairy, white, plump male calves. So what. Deal with it. This is an issue of human rights.

Tastes adjust. Look at tatoos, earings, bare bellies. The overall gestalt of the kilt is not that different from shorts, but they must be far more comfortable. Maybe surfers could adopt the kilt and set the trend.

The Scots are a brilliant people. They have had some of the best philosophers, economists and makers of distilled spirits in history. Warriors too. Now may be their moment to make another definitive contribution to freedom.

UPDATE: This is an interesting post on positive liberty about kilts, and some interesting history besides. Interesting to me, is that kilts would be much more politically correct, in the right wing sense, than pants. Kilts are traditional and Scottish. The Scots practically invented classical liberalism. David Hume, Adam Smith, etc. etc. And who invented pants? The worst! The French Revolutionaries, that's who! It was an improvement over the panty hose that the aristocrats wore, but still. Would you rather dress like a Scottish highlander or a French Red?

But, and let's be direct about this, are kilts gay? The answer is yes, but perhaps not forever. Many useful male fashions have begun among gay men. For example, the balding guy just buzzing his hair down to stubble, and having a beard that is just stubble. I think it's a flattering look for a guy like me, though my wife doesn't dig it that much. I wouldn't have done it in the 80's because it just screamed gay. But now lots of guys do it. It is the ultimate in easy hair care. My $35 Wahl hair buzzer has saved me hundreds, and I've even gotten some compliments about how cute I am (though almost entirely from the wife of guy who is a scary-looking six-five and shaves his head). So, gay guys pioneered a very healthy change in men's fashion. I wish them luck on kilts.