The Right Coast

May 17, 2004
Do you remember Vlad? Now that was torture!
By Tom Smith

This was over the top even for the Times:

Meanwhile, the Islamic world was seeing something new and yet somehow familiar. For the most historically imaginative, the pictures of mistreated prisoners of war from inside Abu Ghraib prison recalled the sight greeting Ottoman soldiers when they marched north in 1476 into Romania: hundreds of their captured comrades spiked on poles along the roadside by Vlad the Impaler, the Christian prince who gave rise to the Dracula legend.

Oh, puh leeese. Now we are vampires, Christian vampires, impaling those poor Iraqi victims. And I'm sorry, but I doubt very much if 15th century Romania lives, just like it was yesterday, for anybody in Baghdad. What a complete crock. Don't they have editors at the Times? And not to defend Dracooolah, but the Islamic hordes weren't exactly going north as tourists. That's why they took their scimitars with them. And is it really necessary to label Vlad the Impaler as a Christian prince? Oh I know! He was a born-again Christian, right? I think we're missing the historical ties between Vlad, Bush and Halliburton. I coom to suck your oil!

Maybe I shouldn't complain. If the Times weren't so ridiculous, more people would take them seriously. Ooops! Got to go! I see the sun peeking up over the horizon, and my skin is starting to boil!