The Right Coast

October 23, 2003
 
Bumper Sticker Wars
By Tom Smith

Blame the Volokh conspiracy for this post. Where I live, bumper stickers are a major cultural form (one of the few). These favorites bear repeating:

Jesus loves you. Everybody else thinks you're an asshole.

God is my co-pilot. But we crashed in the Andes and I had to eat Him.

Then the environmentalist stickers:

Earth First. We'll log all the other planets later.

Hug a logger. You'll never go back to trees.

Out of toilet paper? Wipe your butt with a spotted owl.

Hard to argue with:

Maybe you'd drive better if I crammed that cellphone up your ass.

Honk again. I'm reloading.

Then there's the evolution wars.

The Christian fish symbol, of course (means I'm an ancient Christian, presumably)

The little fish with feet (means I believe in evolution, though I may not be a particularly advanced life form myself)

Christian fish eating Darwinian fish (My Christianity will swallow up your evolutionary philosophy, hopefully by non-violent means)

Darwinian fish eating Christian fish (My evolutionary philosophy will outcompete your Christianity)

Large Christian fish with little Christian fish following (I am a Christian who has reproduced)

Shark (screw all of you; I'm a predator--normally seen on muscle cars or show-off pickup trucks)

When I finally get my Yukon XL with big tires, I want to get a little chrome silhouette of an oil tanker to put on back.